I am so close to losing it and nobody believes me.

Ok, so maybe that Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead reference was a little too vague, but I'm talking about beards! Or specifically, THE BEST BEARD EVER GROWN.



I know, I know, No-Shave November was last month. Whatevs. BEARD.

Step 2: MOVE TO THIS PLACE.

Usually I don't go for blonds, Keith Harkin, but for you I will make an exception



You're Irish and you sing songs with my name in them. That's all I really want in life, anyway.

I WANT TO SEE THIS MOVIE SO BAD.

But instead I watched last night's episode of 30 Rock!

I've been hooked on that show for about a year now, and I think "Audition Day" might be one of my favorites. Right up there with "Sandwich Day."

It might have something to do with the fact that I think the character of Kathy Geiss is hilarious.

And while we're talking about Christopher Walken...



You knew it was coming.

So did anybody else notice that in the latest episode of 30 Rock ("Stone Mountain") that when Tracy called Betty White, she was reading FROM PEANUT TO PRESIDENT.

Which was the book that Jack's dad, Milton Green (Alan Alda), said he was writing in the "Mamma Mia" episode!!!

FFFFFFFFFFFFF and to think I'm not even passing economics right now.

Ok, so I've been eyeballing this dress since it was released. I mean, it's two of my favorite colors with stripes and itty bitty flowers and it's just so PRETTY! But it was kind of expensive and I didn't think I'd look very good in it blah blah blah. BUT. I was looking at the sale section on ModCloth today and they have a whole bunch of stuff on sale! Including this dress! 50% off! But it said "Only 3 left" and usually when it says that, the only ones left are smalls or extra-smalls. But this time the last three were larges! My size! It was like God said HEY LAUREN HERE IS A PRETTY DRESS and I was like THAAAAAAANK YOOOOOOU. It's clearly a summer dress, which means that I have like six months to slim down because it definitely won't get warm enough for that sucker until at LEAST April. But hey, now I have a goal!

Also I bought this:



Because I've also been wanting it for a while and it was marked down to $4.

So, I was writing this story for my creative fiction class. It was about this dude who lived in this town and there was a lake monster and blah blah blah. Then I was like, "WAIT. THIS IS REALLY FAMILIAR. I READ A BOOK LIKE THIS."

But I couldn't remember the title or the author or any of the characters' names or anything! So I finally did a google search for "book lake monster girl hysterical pregnancy" and BAM. There was the book: The Monsters of Templeton. It's an awesome book, but now I gotta get me a new, less hackneyed plot.

WHY MUST YOU PRODUCE CHEAP AWESOME SHIRTS THAT ARE ONLY ON SALE FOR ONE DAY?

Ok, so I gotta admit, it's a good tactic. Somebody checks the shirt of the day and is like "OH SNAP ONLY SIX HOURS, TWENTY-TWO MINUTES, AND FORTY-EIGHT SECONDS LEFT TO BUY THIS SUCKER. PAAAAAYPAAAAAL AWAY!" At least, that's how it happens for me.

The October 15 shirt was this:

I bought it. Zombie Iwa Jima.

The October 25 shirt was this:

T-rex arms. I bought it.

So at this rate, I am buying a shirt every ten days. The shirts are $9 plus $2 shipping and handling and that is still pretty cheap, considering how much they charge for t-shirts at, say, the campus bookstore. So, let's do some math:

365 days in a year
I buy a shirt every 10 days
I buy 36 shirts a year (rounding down)
$11 per shirt
$396 a year

I AM IN TROUBLE, GUYS.

However, a lot of the Tee Fury shirts are light colored, and I don't wear that many light colored t-shirts. I currently have two, one of which was a present, and the other I bought for my Halloween costume. Also, I'm not a huge fan of the graphic tee. Like, artsy fartsy ones. They're ok, I just never really have any desire to buy one, and a lot of the Tee Fury shirts are artsy fartsy. I also tend to stray from shirts that have yellow or pink, so I'm picky enough that MAYBE I'll be ok.

Regardless of how creepy that Lays commercial with the inflatable car dealership arm wavy guys is, I still love it. Because I love the song. Because I was listening to "The Lucky Ones" by Tim Myers LONG before it was on a creepy commercial.

It was supposed to be mostly sunny this week. We had a day of partially sunny a day of really pretty nice and today it decided to thunderstorm. Yep. Not just rain. Thunderstorm.

The worst thing is, I pull up the weather on my little dashboard, and it's like, "Partially sunny today! OH EXCEPT FOR THE THUNDERSTORM."

My friend Amber wrote this on facebook and I appreciated it:
"THANK GOODNESS. I WAS STARTING TO BE AFRAID IT WOULD NEVER RAIN AGAIN AFTER ALL THAT SUN."

Ugggh I don't want to walk all the way over to the quad for class. My umbrella is broken.

For my creative fiction class, we had to write about a character experiencing something that should be familiar, but isn't. I wrote about somebody waking up to sun and being all WHAT IS THIS?????? Because that's how I feel.

"That's just good Christian values... or being homely."

STORY OF MY LIFE, TINA. <3

I had a dream last night about how NASA just decided to crash all their old space gear into the ocean instead of, I dunno, recycling. I could see it from my house and Michael and Dwight from the Office were watching it with me but then we were out of food so I had to go grocery shopping with Andy Samberg and he thought I was stupid because of how excited I was.

For realsies now. I'm supposed to write a (hypothetical) letter to the student body telling them how the university had to cut baseball scholarships and the entire men's soccer team due to the economic crisis. For my journalism class. I tried to do it, but I wrote this instead:

Oh! students
lament and weep, ye of lost scholarships
money dribbles through the university’s fingers like sand through a sieve
ye who once threw with precision or swung with great skill,
ye have been cut down in your prime
with only remnants of your former glory
ye who ran with the best, playing the harlequin ball,
ye too we mourn, for ye have been lost to us entirely
we, those of the pen, rue your loss and ours of ye
we extend condolences like blooming flowers
and we strive to return ye to the throne
but we can only do so much

That works, right? Right? Guys?

Ok, so I have these weird dreams every so often, right? And by 'weird' I mean 'usually pretty stupid.' Last night I think I was having a dream about being in Glee and I had to go practice a duet with Artie because he's my favorite, except he had had corrective surgery or something and wasn't in a wheelchair.

See? Ridiculous.

But then I was standing somewhere nondescript with some nondescript people and I see this thing- it's a harlequin fairy. Like, completely made up of black and white checks. I hold out my hand and it lands on my fingers and somebody I was with said that it meant I would find my true love soon. And then I had to go to Thanksgiving at my Gramma's place and my cousin was mean and stole my green beans and yeah.

It's called A Better Place. It stars Harley Benson. He is an average dude who works in a weird place and deals with weirder people but it's 1984 so he really doesn't care.

“It was so unexpected,” she said, her voice quavering. “One moment, my Bradley was fine, and the next, well…” The sentence dissolved into blubbering as Harley found himself in a wide sunny room with a vacant birdcage in the corner and a very dead cockatiel in a box on the table. The woman sniveled about what a good birdy her Bradley had been and how he had never bitten anyone, except the maid, but she had never trusted that woman and fired her on the spot because Bradley had been a very good judge of character.

There that is all you get. It is an awesome story and I used literary techniques and everything.

-dinner with frands
-went to see Fame
-came back to Chi Alpha house; watched Stevo play some Batman video game
-went to Hot Box Cookies: found Waldo, played Chutes and Ladders followed by Uno; had cookies and milkshake

Also Rachel threw a half-eaten apple at me but that was less good and more gross.

Tomorrow is painting barrels at the food bank, shopping, and hanging out with my best frand who is coming in for the weekend!

Sorry Nora I know you are the only one who reads this, but if you can count Ari as also your best frand then I can count Jessica.

When you ask some people who their favorite character from the Office is, some might say Dwight. Or Jim. Or Stanley. Not I. Nope, with me, it's all about CREED.



I also love Kevin. WHAT DOES A BEAN MEAN?